Sonia's story

“Since the course, I have decreased my medication. I think the combination of increased exercise and increased confidence has helped.”

Sonia
Folkestone, Kent

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 3 ½ years ago, when I was almost 29, which, compared to a lot of people, is quite late in life for that diagnosis.  I can’t imagine that receiving this diagnosis is ever easy, but it certainly wasn’t for me.  I was living and working successfully in Cornwall, but then a combination of stressful events occurred that made me spin into a manic episode.  I ended up doing  lots of typically manic things - I put offers in on grandiose houses, I got stranded in New York, I hitch-hiked round Ireland, and then eventually I crash-landed at my mum’s. 

While I was there, I happened to see Stephen Fry’s programme about bipolar and my mum stared at me throughout the whole programme - she recognised a lot of the symptoms.  I also realised that a lot of it rang true, but I wasn’t sure what to do next.  I phoned a friend and she encouraged me to go to a doctor.  I saw the doctor, then a psychologist, and eventually, after about a month and following a series of psychiatric appointments, I was diagnosed as bipolar.

Prior to this I had experienced bouts of depression, but not mania. I was leading a pretty normal life.  On reflection, after I’d been diagnosed, I could remember periods of erratic spending, but nothing explicit to suggest bipolar. The condition had been contained because I had always had a structure. However, stressful events had knocked me out of kilter, and after that I had few manic episodes.

The condition has meant I’ve ended up leading a completely different life.  I’ve ended up living in a different area with a different set of people around me. I had isolated a lot of people before being diagnosed; for example, I had borrowed a lot of money which I couldn’t pay back. I also lost my ability to work.  I had been a freelance photographer, leading an independent life:  I ended up living with my mum and working in a pub.  It was a totally different lifestyle.

Once you have been diagnosed, it is really difficult to work out your own level of ‘normal’.  Normally, I’m quite a spontaneous person, but now I end up being far more conservative, which is not my natural character. I am still trying to navigate this.

The diagnosis has given me a lot of answers to explain some of my past behaviour. I appreciate that certain things like creativity can come out of the condition - it’s now a question of harnessing it.  I find bipolar quite interesting to live with; it is often challenging, but sometimes I actually enjoy it.

Life is so different than before, and I do want to get that old life back. I really miss my work. I am currently just trying to regain control of my life rather than letting my illness take control.

I hadn’t heard of the Expert Patients Programme until my social worker – whom I found really helpful - recommended the New Beginnings course to me. I thought it sounded like a good idea so I attended a course in Folkestone in February 2010.    

It was really reassuring to meet other people with mental health difficulties. The tutors were wonderful, really lovely people, and the fact that they had also experienced mental health difficulties at some stage really helped.

The weekly action planning was great.  The very fact that it was written down made it much more tangible.  For example, one week I said I was going to get in touch with 2 friends with whom I hadn’t been in touch for about 10 years. They had been on my mind a lot. I kept to the plan and am now back in touch with them.

I also went for a job interview as a result of one of my action plans, and although I didn’t get it, I did get short-listed, and this really boosted my confidence.  I am still using the ideas that I took from the course, for example making weekly lists - something I wasn’t doing before - and I do make action plans. I also stayed in touch with some people from the group.  One of them came to see Ruby Wax with me (her show ‘Losing It’ exploring depression) and we’ve met up a few times since for tea and cake.

Attending the course has opened my eyes about certain things. One thing we talked about was a living will and the ways in which you could be cared for when incapacitated. I had never heard of a living will, consequently when I was unwell and sectioned it was off the map in terms of what was good for me. 

I don’t often go to my GP. I am quite a shy person and don’t like to ask for help.  However, the course made me realise that mental health is a really important thing and that I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. Now, I am more likely to ask for help because I see that there is a level of support out there. It has increased my confidence when dealing with health professionals.

Since the course, I have decreased my medication.  I was taking two types at the start and am now only taking one. I have increased my level of exercise because the course emphasised its importance.  Of course, in theory I knew exercise was beneficial, but I never put it into practice before. Now I feel lost if I don’t take daily exercise.  I think that the combination of increased exercise and increased confidence has helped me reduce my medication. The summertime also helps!

My goal for the future is to get back to working full time.  It may be in a different capacity than before as I want to ensure that I achieve a good work/life balance because when I worked before, I worked really hard and didn’t give myself much of a break.  I am pretty confident that I will be able to achieve this. I was really encouraged by being short-listed for the job that I applied for. And when I phoned up for feedback, the lady said that I was on her radar for the future. 

I am also considering becoming an EPP tutor. The future might not be headed in the same direction as before as I am quite interested in mental health issues now.

When I was first diagnosed, I had no information about support groups or any other help available. The New Beginnings course gives you an arena in which to share your views and experiences, as well as help other people. You have nothing to lose. It is amazing what can come out of the course. I got a lot of support from people who’d experienced panic attacks – I hadn’t known how to manage mine. You receive little nuggets of information – and I could really use them.  Ultimately, we’ve made friends.  After the course, I felt like writing to Pfizer to say thanks.

[Pfizer funded this course]